kept thinking about figuring out that thing i can't remember how it goes about how cold is only the absence of heat and about cold air coming through or leaving from an open window and how it's not cold air or something. still haven't figured it out, anyway summer in the city is as fun as it's always been. i haven't felt well the entire month i don't know if it's because i'm trying to take care of myself or i'm chronically unhealthy (as usual?) or if i want someone else to accomplish the former. made constant sincere attempts to make my schedule and activities more sanity-inducing but never got very far. there was a man in the subway yelling and rattling for spare change with a sign that read "excuse me, i'm deaf" but i misread it as "excuse me, i'm dead".